I’m not afraid of spiders, and I’m not afraid of heights.
If only such small things deterred me.
Instead, I…I…[say it!] I am afraid of life.
Ever since I can remember, my default mode has been fear:
I was the kid who cried in the corner on the first
day week of school. I hid in my closet for hours whenever my step-father’s temper would spark. I was a skilled tennis player in high school, but lost every game because I was so afraid of losing. I cried every morning before leaving for my internship in college because I wasn’t ready to grow up.
And even now as a grown-ass woman, I sometimes huddle in my bed, afraid of all the possible failures my life might hold that day.
Some days, I literally waste hours debating whether working in the yard or sewing pillows would be the best use of my time. As one friend put it recently, I am a Stutter-Stepper.
For the most part, I’ve managed to break out of the fear bubble and tackle the world with confidence. In doing so, I’ve learned that I’m not the lazy or introverted person I thought I was but instead a highly industrious social butterfly.
Yes, there really are times when I do feel like this:
Nevertheless, I still have to battle with that little girl who wants to cuddle up in her momma’s arms and hide from the world. Sometimes, I win the battle. Sometimes I lose.
SO, when my friend challenged me to think of a word to live by this year, I chose:
I want to be unafraid of life.
Unafraid to make a decision and just GO with it.
Unafraid to keep going.
Unafraid to fail.
I have no doubt that I will still want to be afraid, but as the wise Joyce Meyer says:
Do it scared.
This blog and my business and my whole life in general may or may not become the success that I want it to be, but that’s not gonna stop me from blogging and running my business and living life anyway.
To bolster my efforts, I have been slowly reading See You At The Top by Zig Ziglar, and I recently read how we can be the greatest thief in our own life. Thinking back at all the opportunities I’ve robbed myself of because I was afraid, I can agree.
So there you have it, 2014.
I am going to be more UNAFRAID even if I have to DO IT SCARED.
Do you have a word for the year?
I’m not the only one participating in One Word. Check out the great word my friend Kim chose on her blog!