I almost choked on my dinner the other night when a girl walked into the restaurant without any pants on.
“Oh my God, that girl is half naked!” my friend and I whispered to each other.
As the girl came closer, however, it turned out she was wearing hot pants. Teeny, tiny hot pants.
“Who would wear those hot pants in public?” I hissed in disgust.
Upon further gawking, we realized that Hot Pants was actually wearing snug-fitting, flesh-colored jeans.
“Who would ever choose to wear a piece of tight, flesh-colored clothing?” I demanded when suddenly, from the depths of my memory, I recalled this picture:
Wearing a snug-fitting, flesh-colored turtleneck.
When I was fourteen, I traveled to Norway and while shopping for souvenirs in Oslo, I spotted a clothing store. Curious to see if Norwegian clothing was different from American clothing, I peeked inside. There weren’t many differences, but there was a sale so I browsed the racks looking for something in my size. All I found was a plum-colored slip dress and this turtleneck. Once stateside, I wore the two pieces together with motorcycle boots and a teddy bear necklace. (Because I was a beast.)
Eventually, I mustered up the courage to wear the turtleneck on its own with a pair of jeans and when I made it through the day without any comments I thought I was home free. It wasn’t until a couple months later that a classmate told me that he thought I looked topless in the shirt when he spotted me from a distance.
Rule: High school girls who have already been gawked at enough for their bodies do NOT under any circumstances want to appear half naked to their classmates.
So with that, I donated the birthday suit to Goodwill.
Moral of the story
Eyelids. Thighs. Raw chicken. It is acceptable for these items to be flesh-colored.
Jeans? Shirts? Any other article of clothing? Please, put some clothes on.
Oh, wait…you’re wearing clothes?
Then, please, put some different clothes on.